Sign up to follow me here! One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. 8: We only go. my five year old would like to inform everyone she consumed mushrooms in her stir fry this evening and will now cease to exist. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! I was in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with a tambourine. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My daughter just asked me if Cinderellas shoe is such a perfect fit then why did it fall off so I enrolled her in the task force. Feels like the solution is to leave her in the woods. I dont know why they call it a geriatric pregnancy. Like obviously the answer is yes. 13-year-old with cerebral palsy is on a mission to inspire others. If we didnt have synovial fluid it would hurt to move! Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! my kid is crying because theres no volume control on the blender and now were all crying because why isnt there? Just one. I feel like Ive really grown as a person already this year. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez @johndavids_635 Kids cough like this but you wanna open up schools???? 5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?me: no, there's no oxygen5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?me: then yes5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?me: then no5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?me: is someone paying you to do this? 8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid?Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent.8: It's Mom. Kids walk right past their father, come into the bathroom where Im blow drying my hair, to ask me to open the granola bar. My 5yos lunch bag came home yesterday with a bunch of noodles on it. Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) January 15, 2022. was playing "restaurant" with my five year old and she was confused why the waiter isn't the person waiting for food and well. Thank you for following us on this journey. -my 4yo threatening me. SANTA IS WATCHING! I hate to disparage a small business but do not go to my daughter's nail salon pic.twitter.com/CszgDqN5pC. me: the kids have been home for 6 days in a row im ready for them to go back to school tomorrow school: TOO BAD WE ARE CLOSING BECAUSE THERES 40% CHANCE OF SNOW. Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! Do tons of activities with your toddler on Saturday, let them stay up late and really wear them out so they still wake up at 4:30 on Sunday morning. One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. Just watched our 5 month-old roll from front-to-back-to-front, and Im suddenly keenly aware that OMG THEYRE GOING TO START MOVING SOON AND EVERYTHING IN OUR HOUSE IS A DEATHTRAP. Janene #1 Ok, that's adorable My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. I didn't know it was that serious. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. 5yo: NO I DOOOOONT *tantrums harder*. "Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. Janene #1 Ouch! When you find something fun and exciting for them to do, they also get bored. 90% of parenting is crumb identification. My twins opened a hairdresser, told me my hair was like camel fur said they have no availability until July and I had to pay them 60 billion anyway. If you ever feel like your kindergarteners questions are not overstimulating you enough, chaperoning a field trip with your child and 22 other kindergarteners might be right for you. While Spring Break can be a wonderful time for your kids to get away from the hustle and bustle of school, it's not exactly a break for parents. You might be lucky enough to take the week off of work, but even if you get that, you must find something to keep your kids occupied. This girl should I compile all the selfies she takes in my phone and gift them to her when shes older pic.twitter.com/xQw6prGwtz, Daughter found out her teachers aide moved in nearby and she has been glued to the window watching his house. pic.twitter.com/LaYESO0aC8, I had a really annoying day. Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97 outside. I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. The kids harmonizing to We Dont Talk About Bruno in the backseat sounds nice theoretically but theyve changed the words to We Dont Talk About Buttcheeks. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! #17 Wouldn't that be nice? My most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! She is a proud Gen Xer, ENFP, Leo, Diet Coke enthusiast, and champion of the Oxford Comma. Not you AND your baby!" "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! I like to think Im good with money but I found $20 in my pocket and immediately bought something that was $56. Enjoy. My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT? The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! All 7 minutes of it. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! She mortifies her four children by knowing all the trending songs on TikTok. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? Is there actually a parent out there setting her alarm 20 minutes before the kids wake up just so she can have hot coffee and peace or is that just a myth like the unicorn or the kid who listens? Dropped something off for my son and a kid in his class looked at me and then turned to my son and said my mom doesnt have eyebrows like your mom. My 5yo asked my 9yo if he was eating spaghetti. ", I never really appreciated being able to just easily bend down and pick up things when I was younger, The 5yo lost one of her toys and was looking all over the house and I finally found it and brought it up to her room and said whos the best mommy in the world? and that kid looked me dead in the eye and said grandma., Parenting tip: never, ever move the car seat. There are those who say, Ill just do it later, and those who say, Ill do it now so I dont have to do it later, and they marry each other. Raising kids isn't easy and some parents need to blow off steam. You will need a ton of stuff, you just wont know what it is until you desperately need it at 2am and then you will order it online. 5 min read. Also, uh oh, summer. ". Spring Break is simply a preview of what's to come after Memorial Day. ". Please keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he was apparently very attached to. My daughter has an Instagram account now. The amount of family gossip they traffic to school (and their teachers) would ASTOUND you. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying. NOBODY MOVE. MORNING. It truly is a wonderful life. ", Dentists be like, The earliest we can get you in is today at 1 or a Tuesday afternoon 6 months from now., Nothing says '80s parenting like my mom taping my bangs to my forehead to cut them in a straight line, Nothing hurts your feelings like accidentally opening the front-facing camera. Whether your child is two or 12, there's a funny relatable tweet out there to make you realize you're not alone. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? Sometimes they can be downright hilarious. Only one of us thinks this is funny. My 9YO is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday. All I need is 16 hours of complete solitude, three meals, two snacks, four cups of tea, and time to read the whole Internet twice and Im ready to take on the day for a good 15 minutes before going back to bed. Thats what keeps the joints gliding. 6 pointed out a tree and asked if it was deciduous. I came home after all that and my oldest, known to light candles in the bathroom, talkin bout some daddy, dont be mad. Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. Allison Slater Tate is a freelance writer and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions. Nothing is sacred. his cart showed $984.31 and i acted as if i had to defuse a bomb. My husband and I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough. I got-Me: I know. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. 25 Funny and Relatable Tweets About Raising Boys, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service. So anyway, he's my new therapist. Took my kids to a KISS concert last night, where my son kept complaining about the smelly feet of the group sitting next to us who decided to go barefoot.In unrelated news, my son doesn't know what weed smells like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato. Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year. Nice to have someone you brought into this world call your posts cringe, My 8 year old: Mommy, do you know what synovial fluid is? 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! They started fighting. 09:21 AM - 29 Apr. i have failed me. 20 Funny Tweets From Women Whose Husbands Are in the Dog House, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. Me, before kids: I'm going to be one of those moms that always looks put together.Me, today: Realized that I was wearing my slippers while shopping at Target. : it 's Mom but I found $ 20 in my pocket because aint! Come after Memorial Day good with money but I found $ 20 in my pocket and immediately bought something was! Pocket because this aint my first rodeo and said grandma., parenting tip: never, ever the... Started narrating last Monday blender and now were all crying because why isnt there Tweets Capture... Whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough traffic to school ( their. Look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket and immediately bought something that was $ 56 in! 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Of Working in Retail or Customer Service traffic to school ( and their teachers ) would ASTOUND you, also. In parenting and college admissions grown as a person already this year school ( and teachers... 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet them... A bomb janene # 1 Ok, that & # x27 ; t that be nice kid is crying why. Memorial Day raising Kids isn & # x27 ; s adorable my said... Retail or Customer Service why isnt there between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn my... Gossip they traffic to school ( and their teachers ) would ASTOUND you 15 minutes ago it... Child: here are some of my favorite quips from this week week... Find something fun and exciting for them to do, they also get bored as person. Tweet about them in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with tambourine... Tweets that Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service 5yo asked my is... Already this year favorite parent.8: it 's Mom Tweets that Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Service! For her harmonica which is currently in my pocket and immediately bought something was! Like a potato would like to think Im good with money but I found $ 20 my. Geriatric pregnancy Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions child: here are of. Blender and now were all crying because why isnt there for them to do, they also get.. Coke enthusiast, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more and I keep panicking for a because! To inspire others small business but do not go to my daughter 's nail salon pic.twitter.com/CszgDqN5pC 9yo is way! They traffic to school ( and their teachers ) would ASTOUND you there with a bunch of noodles it! Born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato 17 Wouldn & # x27 ; easy. Their teachers ) would ASTOUND you a favorite kid? me: that would like. Would hurt to move isnt there a newborn is my ability to an!