[Read:10 signs you and your partner should go to counseling]. by learning how to stop faking being happy in your relationship. Does everything your partner does annoy you? Reprioritize. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. This is where the work needs to happen. "This is the time when you need to start thinking if this is the relationship you want to pursue anymore or not.". Theres a difference between settling down with someone and simply settling. "For example, you might be out with your friends or other couples and think to yourself: 'I wish my partner was like theirs.'". If a couple is simply co-existing without reasserting their differences, things are going to get stagnant.. We know there are fights and good and bad days, but can it be fixed when you are truly not happy in a relationship? that social support promotes psychological health. Do you have an itching feeling that youre only pretending to be happy in a relationship? It's okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it's a sign you're not on the right path. Some people stay in relationships because they dont want to face the loneliness that single life brings, but sometimes loneliness is the key to other. Stop faking happiness today by admitting to yourself how you truly feel, surrounding yourself with a support system to lean on, communicating with your current partner, and doing what is best for you. Either way, be honest with yourself. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. 1. 291K views, 184 likes, 19 loves, 139 comments, 48 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Comedy Central: Hood Adjacent sat down with Beyonc fans who would do anything to protect Queen Bey. This can cause a downward spiral in your relationship, and also affect other aspects of your life, such as work. According to relationship experts, these are signs that your partner might not be enough for you, even if you love them. Figuring out why you are unhappy in the first place can give you your answer for the future. A relationship should add to your life, not absorb it. Signs your you may not be happy in your relationship include: You look for excuses not to see your partner You feel an urge to be with someone else You feel you would be happier living a different life You are not attracted to your partner anymore You're using substances to avoid thinking about your conflicts You feel disrespected as well as other partner offers and accept our, "In today's social media world, I think you can definitely take cues from their online activity," said Lori Salkin, the senior matchmaker at. Not rocking the boat? In the case of a relationship that constantly feels like it needs fixing, true satisfaction will always feel just out of reach. But when you're serious about having a committed relationship with someone, it's important to nurture that relationship and make it a priority. 9 Painful Signs You've Lost Yourself In Your Relationship, Photo: PeopleImages.com - Yuri A/ Shutterstock, 10 Things A Good Guy Won't Do To The Woman He Loves, 3 Ways To Foster The Self-Awareness It Takes To Make A Relationship Successful, The Simple Psychology Test That Reveals How Well You Know Yourself, 6 Things You Need To Do Now In Order To Find Yourself, 10 Things Every Child Needs To Hear From Their Parents To Live A Great Life, I Was Dependent On The Wrong Relationship To Make Me Happy, Why You Shouldn't Put Your Relationship Before Your Friendships, Forget Prince Charming Why All Girls Are Searching For The Wrong Guy, 10 Things You're Doing Because You're Finally Starting To Love Yourself, 9 Daily Habits Of Couples Who Stay Married (And Happy!) To everyone around you, you come off like a long-suffering, put-upon martyr. Whether its constant fights, a growing distance between the two of you, or just a gnawing feeling in your gut that somethings wrong, unhappiness can take different forms. If you're feeling extra self-conscious lately, it might be due to a lack of support you're feeling in your relationship. "They dont have their own life," Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, relationship therapist and founder of online relationship community, Relationup, tells Bustle. This can be a hard conversation to have, but if that is what you need to start being happy, you should do it. If you are mindful of yourself; it will allow you to cultivate a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment from within yourself. If you are not happy in relationships for toxic reasons, you may find yourself excusing your spouses behavior to friends and family. Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC, psychotherapist and relationship coach, Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, relationship therapist, founder of Relationup, Elizabeth Cobb, LCSW, lead therapist of Cobb Psychotherapy. Feel like thats been crushed and youve let your lifes purpose fall by the wayside? They could be feeling distant because of a deadline at work, or a family matter, or something personal that's bothering them. Keep in mind, while its important, to be honest with your spouse, you dont have to be brutally honest. As psychotherapist Meredith Prescott, LCSW tells Bustle, this can create a challenging dynamic in your partnership. Sometimes you're just not ready to be in a relationship, and that's okay. Why is this a relationship any different? People will love me to the extent I love myself. You might have grown accustomed to it out of necessity. [Read: Are relationship fights normal in love? Make sure they know you still care and dont want to break up but need some time alone to sit with your feelings. By continuing with faking happiness, not only will you feel miserable with your partner, but youll also feel unfulfilled by other areas of your life that used to bring you joy. Having space in a relationship is healthy for couples, and could help your partner bring more to the relationship. As you embark on a journey of self discovery and focusing on yourself, Torrent suggests finding some solitude each and every day. Be sure you are putting yourself first. Instead of coming right out and saying: Ive only been pretending to be happy in a relationship with you., Try something like: Ive realized lately that I havent been feeling like myself in our relationship. Emotion. Ignoring the fact that youre not happy in a relationship only makes it worse for both of you. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. One of the key signs someone is pretending to be happy in their relationship is acting like their spouse is their favorite person and then never actually spending time with them. Even though it's normal for things to become a little less exciting when you've been dating for a while, a wandering eye may indicate that your partner is losing your attention all together. "In today's social media world, I think you can definitely take cues from their online activity," said Lori Salkin, the senior matchmaker at SawYouAtSinai.com and dating coach. Social media is a big deal to many people, so take a good look at yours and use it as a chart of your relationship. You probably already know this very well, we cannot be in a happy marriage if we don't love or take good care of ourselves. Maybe you feel youre being taken for granted. Youre in a tricky spot. Why do people pretend to be happy when they are not? What if you die in that fiery crash? If you cant imagine life without that person, then youre probably in it for the right reasons. Loving someone means wanting whats best for them and for your relationship. But living without love means settling, and it means not allowing yourself to experience what could be a life-changing relationship with someone else. Will doing so start a fight if there really is nothing going on? Youve allowed the creepy what ifs to lurk around and rule your life. This resilience is exactly what you will need when youre ready to stop wearing a mask in your relationship! "You might start 'looking around' for a new person in your mind," she explained. "Especially if you're making excuses for behaviors that are not what you want from your partner anyway, something is probably up." By Joyann Jeffrey. So it's not easy to be single but truthfully, the experience can be just as fulfilling as being in a relationship. Grab Wedding Month Deals on Marriage Courses! Dr. Casandra Henriquez Love Coach, #1 Bestselling Author & Founder of the Real Love Network: I work with Professional Single Women on Self Love, Vetting Love, & Thriving in Love Better not buy that motorcycle. That can lead to empty fights, anger, and regret. When you ignore things like your desires and wants that are messy and take hard work, you can put your head in the sand. Blaming your partner for your unhappiness will only make things worse for your relationship and you. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. If you can come up with even one Reason I pretend to be happy, then take it as a huge sign that your relationship is no longer healthy. Rinse. If you love this person and want to be happy in the relationship, you have to work on changing what makes you unhappy. 6. 7. If you feel like youve grown as a person, but your partner is still at the same place they were in you first started dating, this could be a potential issue. Unresolved trauma can cause sabotaging behaviors subconsciously but putting in the work to heal won't make you immune to self-sabotaging. Transitioning out of the honeymoon phase is inevitable, but if you fall into complacency, then you probably wont find it worth your while to keep things enlivening and exciting. Ready to come clean about whats really going on in your relationship? Be honest with yourself and acknowledge how you feel deep down. Yes, being comfortable may not be nerve-racking. Letting yourself get lost in your relationship is claustrophobic, toxic for both of you, and impossible long term. "Its not necessary to have the same amount of all of these elements," Coleman says. Salkin stresses that when communication between you and your partner goes down, you shouldn't jump to conclusions too quickly. , or pull an attitude when theyre around other people? Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. It's one thing if your partner has to work late every so often, but if you're beginning to sense that working late is their excuse to avoid being with you, they're probably not as into the relationship. I want them to live for themselves for a while and then choose a spouse (if they decide they want to.) Instead, take responsibility for yourself. You might even live together, but if they are always in another room or doing something else without you, then that is not good. By clicking Sign up, you agree to receive marketing emails from Insider It's not all matchmakers, blind dates, and love at first sight. And after a lot of rational self-examination, Ive come to the depressing conclusion that Ive done exactly the opposite of what I teach, and that thing is: I totally and completely lost myself in my marriage which led to its eventual demise. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. lack of motivation. Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox. People who don't take accountability often blame their partners, Prescott says. Remember, the hardest decisions to make are often the ones that bring the greatest results! You both will always have things you need to work on as a couple and separately. Your relationship might not be at the point where you feel like you need to break up with your partner yet. Maybe try new things together and communicate more. How to Communicate With Your Spouse When Things Are Tough, How to Talk to Your Husband About Being Unhappy, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4712716/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2921311/, Spice up Your Day With Cute Relationship Memes for Your Partner, The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships, 35 Relationship Goals for Couples & Tips to Achieve Them, 25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions, 50+ Best Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment, 10 Ways to Fight Against the Male Gaze in a Relationship, Marital Abandonment: Meaning and Its Impact, 15 Fun and Charming Games for Womens Day, 10 Ways on How to Get Your Partner to Open Up, 10 Consequences of Staying in an Unhappy Marriage, 20 Romantic Babymoon Ideas for Expecting Couples, 15 Things to Know if Your Wife Wants a Half-Open Marriage, 4 Steps to Budgeting as a Couple for the New Year, 15 Signs Youre Not Ready for a Baby Right Now, Preparing for Fatherhood: 25 Ways to Get Ready, 10 Reasons Your Rising Sign Compatibility Is Broken and How to Fix It, What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, What Is Love? RELATED:3 Ways To Foster The Self-Awareness It Takes To Make A Relationship Successful. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. Research has shown that staying in an unhappy relationship can result in lower levels of happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem, and overall health. Partner bring more to the extent I love myself counseling ] between you and your partner not. Affect other aspects of your life, such as work these elements, '' she explained you... Themselves for a new person in your relationship might not be at the point where you feel down! Difference between settling down with someone else spouses behavior to friends and.... Get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox them and for your unhappiness will make! Pretending to be brutally honest but need some time alone to sit with your feelings need... 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